Whew! It’s been a rough three weeks.

Three weeks ago our dryer broke, after days of trying to fix it over the holidays we had to get a new washer (which had been half-broken for years) and dryer. A large, unexpected expense.

A couple days after it broke, the day before Christmas Eve, we came home one evening to a note saying our apartment will be remodeled this year and they are forcing us to move. In February.  Thankfully we asked for and received an extension, but only until June. So in the midst of baby preparations I am now planning to pack and move us all 2 months after giving birth.

Right after Christmas I took my one hour glucose test and failed it. I also had higher blood pressure than normal so had to spend a week checking it every day. Thankfully the blood pressure ended up being a fluke (due to stress, probably). The glucose is another matter.

On New Year’s Eve we were awakened to news of a very sick little sister which brought out the massive latent anxiety I have as a big sister that something will happen to her.

That next weekend we heard the news of Lydia’s death. Still in shock and heartbroken about that.

On Monday I took my 3 hour glucose test and a couple days later found out I failed it too. So now I have to factor in a change of diet and regular glucose testing into my days.

That same day I heard from the birth center that due to the forced change in our insurance we owe almost double what we expected to pay.

On Wednesday one of our cars died and it took several hundred dollars to fix it.

Friday was Lydia’s funeral.

In the midst of all this I’m dealing with pretty uncomfortable to painful pregnancy symptoms. Back and hip pain like I’ve thrown out my back, insomnia and fatigue, significant heartburn and indigestion, arthritic type pain in my joints, probably due to swelling. It’s not pretty. I feel like a broke down lump of rusty machinery, not the energetic mom I wish I was. Poor Nathan hears “No” a lot when asked to be held.

I feel like I need a beach vacation where I can lie comfortably in the warm sand for hours without disturbance. I don’t feel like that would be nice, I feel like it’s necessary. And it’s not going to happen. Not for the foreseeable future. So what do I do instead?

The only thing I can think of is to change my perspective. When the hits keep coming, and there isn’t time to catch your breath, you can either tense up, get angry, have a nervous breakdown and allow resentment to grow. Or you can relax, look to the heavens and hold up your hands releasing your right to comfort and stress-free living (because it’s not your right anyways).

I’ll be honest. I tried the tense, angry, nervous breakdown route. I’m human and it’s what came naturally. But, there’s only so long you can sustain a victim mentality before you realize that you’re only hurting yourself, and those who live with you. And I have a sweet baby boy growing within me who does not need a regular dose of cortisol or adrenaline just because his Mama is throwing a hissy fit. It’s not always easy to change perspective, but giving myself moments in the day to take a deep breath and re-focus helps. It helps a lot.

I have three things I’m meditating on:

A verse,

Sit still, my daughter, until thou know how the matter will fall. Ruth 3:18

A song lyric,

Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me, let me be singing when the evening comes. (from 10,000 Reasons)

And a priority list,

  1. Do what makes you functional (eat, sleep, exercise, baths, etc.)
  2. Do what makes you healthy (diet, exercise, etc.)
  3. Forget about comfort
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